if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
