even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
