I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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