when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
