I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
