Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
