the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
