2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
