I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
