rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
