Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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