Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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