My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i love accidental penises.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
