Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
