11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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