marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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