Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
