get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
