remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
