went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
