And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Randomize
