A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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