I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
