My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
