My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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