worst night to have a conscience
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
