He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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