We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
