i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
