A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
