He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
