Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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