What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
