New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
