Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
