I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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