I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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