Soap is not a condiment
it wasn't lemon gatorade
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize