i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
