I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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