Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
