in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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