so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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