what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
