You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
