..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
