If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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