i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
