If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
