craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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