she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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