Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Acid is not a monday night drug
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
