..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
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