shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
