filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
