nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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