I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize