i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just blew my weed a kiss
My dad just said "fuck circus"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
