i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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