I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize