She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
