Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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