Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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