So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
