oh god the rape fog is back!
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
