there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
