Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize