My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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