M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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