I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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