As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
