He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
