The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
